It's Not Easy To Be Me...

Sometimes.. I wonder how fate works to pull two strangers
from both end of the world together..
Just one fine day, you get to meet this stranger..
you became friends, you found something in common,
and you became best friends.
Days, months, years past..
You are so relied on each other that.. you want to
spend the rest of your lives together..
Here comes the commitment..
One works extra hard, & the other
gave birth to their first born..
Days, months, years past again..
You see your child(ren) cry, crawl, walk, speak, grow
One works extra hard, & the other do the house chores.
the time spent together gets lesser and lesser.
all the fantasy, imaginations, expectations
hid under the surface.. there's no sharing of feelings
only kept deep inside..
Tell me what is a family?
What does it even feel like to have a family?
Two go to school, one goes to work, one stays at home.
Sat & Sun.. One goes out, one talks to the PC &
two watches tv series from their laptops..
& fate again.. could push two lovers apart
as it does to pull two strangers together...
Being the child... standing from that point of view..
how lost am i to be? at the age of 23..
i have yet to see, how fascinating and cruel fate could be?
tired of dramas, in fact, am really tired of life.
all the kings horses and all the kings men
couldn't put mom and dad together again..
I have always been emotional.. but
do you know that Enough is Enough?
you can fight all you want.. but i want out
even if it is to return every single thing
i have started to use from your forsaken money
since they cut my cord..
im entitled to be yours..
i was given a name
but i was never given the freedom to say, how i felt..
i could never express my dislikes in this
"family"... i wonder if i even have one?
we're just colleagues? room mates?
living under one roof.. despite im still
using your forsaken money..
we tried so hard but the equilibrium has to be shaken..
all i wanna say is..
i know it's not easy to be anyone that's living on earth..
first world has first world's pain..
third world has third world's problems..
& I just wanna say that it's not easy to be me,
even though you think I am lucky to have most things..
take a closer look, the microscopic view.. im more than this..
& God.. if you're even out there..
I have been praying since 2004..
A decade already.. could you possibly give me a sign?
I don't cry like i used to.. big girls don't cry..
but im really numb inside.. do you know..?