雪候鳥

The title.. hmm nothing much was listening to this song.
Suddenly, I remembered my mum said my chinese name was
sung in this song.. so I went to listen.. and to my surprise..
the lyrics was "死灰" and i was like err yup that sound like my name!
ya la it sound like 思慧!
>.<" anyways while i was listenin to this song..
i felt the winter chills.. i dunno why but yes.. this song was
perfectly melancholy.. if you really think you had amnesia..
listen to this song and think again..
prolly you'll be using a box of tissue instead.. haha exaggerate

Don't know why im particularly interested in songs like this..
songs that had the underline meaning "waiting".. waiting and
waiting.. and endlessly waiting for an answer that will have
no answer to it.. oh wells never been in love, never been through
big losses.. possibly i haven't been so traumatised
yet, i can relate.. ask myself why so many times..
but i just feel things more intensely .. which is bad?
all i know is that from young my parents and teachers and friends..
they all told me the same thing...

that is why are you so moody? weak? soft? kind? as if i know?
well, if i knew i think i would hide it away from you than
to listen to this over and over again?
dunno.. lately im lacking of passion.. lacking of being..
lacking of love.. lacking of feeling.. lacking of living..
lacking of knowing.. lacking of learning.. lacking of understanding..
lacking of meaning.. lacking of interest.. lacking of motivation..
im lacking so many things that seem so hard to reach.

where some people out there took their lives just to lack a shelter.
lack a meal, lack of money, lack of status, lack of power..
their lives seem to be so much difficult than mine
yet, i can't seem to overcome that small obstacle compared to them.

if 8 years ago.. i did not leave, where will i be?
will things be better? will i be whole?
Each place that i go i leave a piece of puzzle.
now.. im really missing each and every piece of them.
without the puzzle pieces.. i'll never be whole.
just like the migratory birds.. never to stay at a place
because they're always searching for the past place..
where it cannot be found again. but the migratory birds never
give up they're willing to spend their lives searching..
just for that one place.
may i spend my life just to search for that one place.